‘Tickled Pink’ - Ode to the Guides
Well, there they were, the guiders and me
For one hundred days we took them to sea
Their centenary to celebrate
Engineers, deckies, purser, cook, mate.
I’ve had splinters and coughs, and ears that sound funny
Eyes that were itchy, and noses gone runny
Missing their boyfriends and also their mothers
Wringing out hankies and some I could smother!
They’ve heaved on the halyards, the sheets and the braces,
With wind in their hair, ‘til their red in their faces
The decks have been scrubbed and the brass it got polished
As did the food, all meals got demolished
‘Lot’s of gravy’, ‘don’t do sauce’ now
Gluten, nut-free, ‘I don’t eat cow’
Lacto-pesco veggies cum vegan
Never mind Cookie, they’ve all had their bacon!
Of course ‘two-six-heave’ was given new meaning
As over the rail were a few of them leaning!
They’d a chance to go climbing, Oh heck, To do what?
Well, if only they wanted, but they just couldn’t not!
So, out came the loose change and fluff from their pockets
Glasses and teeth, woggles and lockets
They decanted the bits that could take sudden flight
Then came some excuses, from those that took fright
‘I’ve got arthritis in both of my knees’
And ‘when I talk, I talk with a wheeze’.
‘My pulse is weak’ and ‘my blood is thin’
Though I’m considered ‘well’ for the shape that I’m in!
‘My memory is failing’, ‘my head’s in a spin’
‘My heart’s all a flutter’, ‘oh heck, where’s the Gin!’
‘I can walk to the shops but I puff my way back’
But its courage, not health, that I suddenly lack!
But they got up the rigging for sails to unfurl,
And a triumphant ‘WE’VE DONE IT’, they yell to the world
The biggest hugs and greatest cheers
And all had forgotten their first day fears
We’ve had teddies, badge blankets and one ‘little boat’
Captain Barbara liberated a duck, not to float
Lost in the commotion, out on the wide sea
Lil blue duck slowly bobbing, still free!!
We’ve had songs of joy and inspiration
And there’ve been some that caused consternation
‘Poor lil bumble bee all squished’ they sang,
And some ‘poor worm’ that met with a prang
Another poor airman caught by his britches
Became jam on toast and eaten by vicars!
But still they smiled and sang with heart
To the crew on SODs evening, all taking their part.
The pleasures apparent by the snores heard at night
And the laughter and giggles - its our pleasure alright
So hurry on, get booked and pack
Cos on behalf of the crew, I’d welcome you back!
PS Don’t wait for the storm to pass, learn to dance in the rain!