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22/11/12 - Lord Nelson
From King Neptune 22 Nov 2012
Much will be written about today, but I, as King Neptune, worked far into the night polishing my trident, trimming my beard and preparing for the ascent of my 'court’ from our caves at the bottom of the sea.
Just as well I had my fins on as it is a long way up from a depth of 4000 metres.
My lovely wife Queen Neptunia, aka Jon the Mate, came up with me. She wanted to show off her new fish-net stockings and pink nail varnish.
I had been summoned by Pirate Dave, aka Cookie, who had taken over the ship 'Lord Nelson’. He had locked all the Permanent Crew up in the hot, sweaty galley store.
From the darkest depths came other members of my court; the Surgeon, aka Steve, Medical Purser; the barber, Taffy; Chief of Police Jenny, Chief Engineer; and 3 constables. When pirate Dave took the ship he kidnapped the well-endowed Captain’s daughter, 2nd Mate, Marcin.
Once the court was assembled round the pool and the thrones, the 'pollywogs’ were brought to justice one by one. Tried for their various crimes, all were found guilty and accepted their punishment, which varied from shaving Mr Chipps’s port eyebrow to being covered in coloured gunk.
All had to bow before me and my lovely Queenie. Once their crimes had been read out, the 'pollywogs’ had to 'kiss the fish’ before being 'shaved’ by the barber and administered 'medicine’ from the surgeon. I am rustling up a fair wind tomorrow so that Lord Nelson and her crew should be able to set sail for Fernando de Noronha.